Pressed in the Earth

by Mar

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    Limited edition archival print by Kay Belardinelli, ~5x7".
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Given. My body, my self, to her lips. Feel her fingers move slow. "Spread the cloth," she says, "and bathe the skin." Spread the cloth, bathe the skin. "If you're ready, I'm ready." If you're ready, I'm ready.
Violet 05:22
It reminds me... The laughing, spinning. And the lights they shone, twinkling. I saw gold, violent. The red, the violet, the blue. I try so fucking hard. Feet firm on the ground. Press it on – the powder, a veil. Conceal this hideous, conceal. Listen, I know they're there. I can feel it. What is it? Do you think it's my face? Need to be perfect... perfect! But I wanna be safe. Beauty. Just enough to be vulnerable. To be threatened, or ravaged. To need the pepper, the gun, the dog. But not enough to just be, and not enough to be loved. Oh. What is it? What is it??
Bethesda 03:15
Tell me what he smelled like. I wanna know your pain. Did you– Tell me, did you feel love? And in what way? You dug your nails in my skin, like bees that sting. Were you crawling out? or crawling in? I don't care if it hurts. I wanna know. Tell me where your mind goes at night. Do you dream? Do you?? Did he color your eyes all of your life? What color is it? What color?? I don't care if it hurts. I wanna know.
I dug a hole with my hands. Whispered my shame. Drop of blood in the ground. Power is in my pain.
An Animal 04:13
I want my fingers pressed in the earth and spread like roots, gripping onto others. To no longer scream but still be heard. I know that to be grounded, you need to dig, dig deep... She knows my scent, and beads of sweat. Understands my fluttering eyes and quickened breath – an animal. She takes my throat into her hand, and with it all of existence, and all of this moment. She brought me here with her eyes. It started in a shadow, on a street. I saw her, and I knew her eyes saw me. Her pace slowed, but her eyes stayed. And I felt known, and I felt safe.
The man shall be judged. The man shall submit. His tongue shall fall silently from his mouth. His mireful heart shall crumble. His limbs shall spread so wide they snap. The sclera of his eyes shall wither and go black. His skin shall burn and shrink beneath the strength of the sun, flaking and falling to the earth as ash. The clothing of the man shall be shredded and torn. All shall be removed and destroyed. The man shall surrender all he imagined himself to be. The man shall become but dirt beneath my feet. This earth shall grow strong. This earth shall take what once was, and make it what it shall be. So be it.
Needed Me 04:51


released January 20, 2019

recorded, mixed, and mastered by Will Killingsworth. (unless otherwise noted)

art by Jeremy Ferris.

1. Only Decay is Our Memory
recorded by David Sano, and also Will Killingsworth.

2. Violet
Neopolitan lullaby performed by Rosamaria Paolella.
"I would like that the sea drown me, and news of me there would not be... And after one year the wave would send me away, on top of a rock, eaten by the fish."

3. Bethesda
written and performed by Kay Belardinelli.
recorded in fragments by Arjun Ray, Will Killingsworth, and Kay Belardinelli.

7. An Animal
written by Kay Belardinelli.

9. Needed Me
originally performed by Rihanna. arranged by Mar.




Mar Providence, Rhode Island

eiríkr åsheim &
kay belardinelli
. . . . . . . . . . .

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